Accepting Rejection: Insights from Half a Century of Writing Experience

Facing refusal, notably when it happens repeatedly, is not a great feeling. An editor is saying no, delivering a definite “Not interested.” As a writer, I am well acquainted with setbacks. I began submitting articles 50 years back, upon college graduation. Over the years, I have had two novels turned down, along with book ideas and many pieces. In the last score of years, concentrating on op-eds, the denials have multiplied. Regularly, I get a setback frequently—amounting to over 100 times a year. Cumulatively, rejections in my profession number in the thousands. By now, I could have a master’s in handling no’s.

So, does this seem like a self-pitying rant? Absolutely not. Since, now, at 73 years old, I have come to terms with rejection.

By What Means Have I Managed This?

For perspective: At this point, almost everyone and their relatives has said no. I’ve never counted my win-lose ratio—it would be very discouraging.

As an illustration: lately, a newspaper editor turned down 20 pieces consecutively before saying yes to one. A few years ago, at least 50 editors declined my book idea before someone accepted it. A few years later, 25 representatives passed on a book pitch. A particular editor requested that I submit articles less often.

My Seven Stages of Rejection

Starting out, all rejections stung. I took them personally. It was not just my writing was being turned down, but who I am.

As soon as a piece was turned down, I would begin the process of setback:

• Initially, shock. How could this happen? How could these people be blind to my ability?
• Second, denial. Certainly they rejected the wrong person? This must be an oversight.
• Third, rejection of the rejection. What do any of you know? Who appointed you to hand down rulings on my work? You’re stupid and the magazine stinks. I deny your no.
• After that, irritation at the rejecters, followed by self-blame. Why would I do this to myself? Could I be a glutton for punishment?
• Subsequently, pleading (preferably accompanied by optimism). What does it require you to acknowledge me as a exceptional creator?
• Then, sadness. I lack skill. Additionally, I’ll never be any good.

This continued over many years.

Great Precedents

Certainly, I was in excellent fellowship. Tales of authors whose books was originally turned down are plentiful. The author of Moby-Dick. The creator of Frankenstein. The writer of Dubliners. The novelist of Lolita. Joseph Heller’s Catch-22. Virtually all famous writer was originally turned down. Because they managed to succeed despite no’s, then perhaps I could, too. The basketball legend was not selected for his youth squad. The majority of US presidents over the last 60 years had been defeated in elections. The filmmaker estimates that his Rocky screenplay and desire to star were turned down repeatedly. “I take rejection as an alarm to motivate me and persevere, rather than retreat,” he remarked.

The Final Phase

Then, when I entered my senior age, I entered the last step of rejection. Acceptance. Today, I better understand the many reasons why someone says no. For starters, an editor may have just published a comparable article, or have one underway, or be contemplating something along the same lines for another contributor.

Alternatively, more discouragingly, my idea is uninteresting. Or the editor thinks I am not qualified or reputation to succeed. Or is no longer in the business for the wares I am peddling. Or didn’t focus and read my submission too quickly to see its quality.

You can call it an realization. Anything can be turned down, and for any reason, and there is almost nothing you can do about it. Certain rationales for denial are always beyond your control.

Within Control

Others are under your control. Honestly, my ideas and work may sometimes be flawed. They may be irrelevant and appeal, or the message I am trying to express is poorly presented. Or I’m being too similar. Or something about my writing style, notably commas, was annoying.

The key is that, in spite of all my long career and rejection, I have succeeded in being published in many places. I’ve authored multiple works—my first when I was in my fifties, the next, a personal story, at 65—and more than a thousand pieces. My writings have appeared in publications major and minor, in local, national and global outlets. My first op-ed appeared when I was 26—and I have now submitted to many places for half a century.

However, no bestsellers, no signings publicly, no features on TV programs, no speeches, no book awards, no accolades, no Nobel Prize, and no Presidential Medal. But I can more readily take no at my age, because my, admittedly modest successes have eased the stings of my many rejections. I can afford to be thoughtful about it all at this point.

Educational Rejection

Rejection can be helpful, but when you pay attention to what it’s attempting to show. If not, you will almost certainly just keep seeing denial the wrong way. What lessons have I learned?

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